On the Couch with Dr. Melfi
The only ad newsletter that made it past Quitter's Day without a pep talk from a beverage.
Dear marketing fans and anyone already bailing on their New Year’s resolutions.
Have you noticed how some of my newsletters are morphing into old Andy Rooney segments on 60 Minutes? I have. The man made a career out of being mildly annoyed at all things in public. Did you ever notice how brands talk to us now? Why do they do that? What's the deal with all these feelings in my sparkling water? Everybody's worried that AI is going to take over. I'm more worried about the people who need a machine to write an email for them. That's where I'm at in 2026.
And that brings me to the story that Recess (not to be confused with Reece’s) bought a full-page New York Times ad this week to tell you that you’re not broken for abandoning your New Year’s resolution. As Andy Rooney might say with a raised eyebrow, “Well isn't that nice of them.” A CBD seltzer company has absolved you of your sins. You may now purchase their product in peace. Hallelujah.
The ad is framed as a “PSA”, because nothing says public service like paid media placement in a national newspaper to sell sparkling water then posting this bravery on social media. I must share at this point that there are two things (technically dozens more, but these 2 for today) I can't stand: PSAs and Open Letters.
A PSA implies you're doing us a real solid. An Open Letter implies you have something so important to say and that a regular ad won't cut it. Both are lies brands tell themselves to feel more important. The only acceptable PSA is something like this classic from the 70s.
The character in that PSA, Timer, “was a round, yellow-colored character with a pointy nose, bow tie, and top hat designed to represent the sense of time in the human body.” And I can’t help but share this storyboard I found from this one:
Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about. The Recess copy reads like a therapy session transcribed by a ghost writer working exclusively on Meghan Markle’s As Ever brand: “Real change isn’t found in the extremes.” “You don’t need to be perfect to feel better.” And the CTA at the end of their Instagram post about the ad: “Choose balance. Choose moderation. Choose Recess.”
Ah yes, choose Recess. It's the "live laugh love" of beverage advertising. This is the logical endpoint of wellness branding: companies cosplaying as your supportive friend who (surprise!) happens to have a product to sell you.
They don’t really want to be a beverage. They want to be a worldview. An identity. A hug in a can that whispers “you’re enough” while replacing your Starbucks or avocado toast routine. It actually feels more like Stuart Smalley. But instead of a mirror, it's a can of underwhelming CBD seltzer.
And the timing? They dropped this around “Quitter’s Day.” This is the real 2nd Friday of January when people statistically give up on resolutions, there’s no way anyone thought last Friday was the 2nd Friday. They identified a moment of collective self-loathing, and thought “this is the perfect time to sell drinks.”
The audacity of calling this a PSA when it’s a full-page advertisement is almost impressive. It’s not a public service. It’s a purchase suggestion dressed in self-care language.
You know what would actually be refreshing? A brand that just says “our product tastes good and has stuff in it that might make you feel relaxed. Buy it or don’t.” But that doesn’t perform empathy. That doesn’t position your beverage as an antidote to modern life. That’s just honest, and honest doesn’t get engagement.
The whole thing is exhausting because it works. We eat this up. We share it. We call it a “vibe.” We let brands essentially become our Dr. Jennifer Melfi. But as she would explain to Tony, “Genetic predispositions are only that: predispositions. It’s not a destiny written in stone. People have choices.”
If anyone needs to hear this: You’re not broken. You’re just being marketed to. And if I was Tony Soprano i’d simply frown silently reading it.
Drink Cart Approved™ agency discussion topics
I see we’ve reached the commemorative patch stage of players who are still playing. (I’ve been copywriting longer than LeBron has played in the NBA. Where’s my patch?)
Sounds like parties at J.R.R. Tolkien’s place were wild.
Great Substack tip: “don’t be afraid to post about your life. Be cringe. Don’t care what others think. That’s how I went from 165 to 161 followers”
Ad History: Range Rover (1988)
I loved this headline this week. And am grateful the snow here is gone for now.
Ad History: Iran Air (1976)
I loved this tagline this week. It seemed appropriate.
Last call: Blood & Sand
If Recess wants to coddle you through Quitter’s Day, here’s a different approach: a cocktail named after a bullfighter who gets gored and keeps going.
Blood and Sand was named after Rudolph Valentino’s 1922 bullfighter movie. The film follows a matador who rises from nothing, loses everything and then dies in the ring. It’s kind of the Marty Supreme narrative. And not exactly a wellness narrative.
The recipe makes no sense when you see it written: equal parts whisky, orange juice, Italian vermouth and cherry liqueur. It sounds excessively sweet, bland and fruity, but in reality is fresh and juicy, rich yet nuanced.
January is perfect for a cocktail that shouldn’t work but does. The deep amber colour of the cherry brandy is said to represent the blood and the orange juice, the sand
The Non-Quitters recipe for a Blood & Sand:
¾ oz blended Scotch
¾ oz Cherry liquor of any sort
¾ oz sweet vermouth
¾ oz fresh orange juice
Shake with ice.
Strain into a chilled coupe.
Trust me. It’s not that bad.
Love that Range Rover headline.