Drink Cart Friday Shot: Three whiskeys walk into an agency.
A Friday newsletter best enjoyed with questionable judgment and good friends.
Dear shot-loving agency workers, Zima Guy apologists, and everyone who knows Bo was smart enough to quit before the racing the gator.
Three whiskeys walk into a pitch and test your resolve. This week’s shot is not for the faint of heart, but essential knowledge for any shot enthusiast or anyone currently in the trenches of the AI Wars in the corporate world.
But first, we don’t tell walking into bar jokes anymore. Or rarely. This one still gets me. “A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, ‘Hey!’ The horse says, ‘You read my mind, buddy.’” They don’t make ‘em like that anymore. That’s kind of sad.
You see, there are shots you take for fun. Shots you take for flavour. Shots you take because someone dared you. And then there’s the Three Wise Men, a shot you take to prove something, even if you’re not entirely sure what. It’s perfect for agency people on a Friday.
The Classic Three Wise Men Recipe:
1/3 oz Jim Beam (bourbon)
1/3 oz Jack Daniel’s (Tennessee whiskey)
1/3 oz Johnnie Walker (Scotch whisky)
Drink like a Friday. Apologize like a Monday.
1. Ad History: Wheat Thins (1985)
All I want to say is that: More than a snack is still a great line.
2. Ad History: Zima (1994)
Do you remember Zima? The clear malt beverage? Let me hit you with a few quick KPIs about the “malternative”:
They burned $184 million marketing it
They sold 1.3 million barrels’ worth of the clear stuff in 1994
Good enough for an instant 1% of market share
70 percent of all drinkers tried it (maybe that was the problem)
The the sales dropped in half in 1995, then half again in 1996
It revived itself a couple of times, but nobody really wanted Zima
Maybe it was all the Z words the Zima guy said like “It’s zophisticated”
And now for Zomething completely different:
3. Mountain Dew Sport (1993)
How is it that I have no memory of this Mountain Dew carbonated Gatorade variant? These cans and bottles look incredible.
The logo absolutely rocks. And here’s the real kicker, they had an ad with Bo Jackson and an alligator. But it backfired as people mostly remembered the Gator and thought Gatorade. A rare miss for Bo Jackson. But that logo.
4. Captain Morgan Thumbs
Who needs AI? This Captain Morgan “Less Scroll, More Vibes” tagline is such slop it’s almost perfect. I’m just glad this wasn’t about toes. The real genius here is turning the “Thong Song” into the “Thumb Song.” That is inspired and important ad work.
5. A Classic Nike Print Ad
This is a legendary Nolan Ryan Nike ad from the early ‘90s, celebrating people “who forgot to retire and never got old.” It’s relentless, exhausting just to read, which is exactly the point. And that final line is incredible: ”The only one who can tell you you can’t, is you. And you don’t have to listen”
One more shot
“He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink. He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink. He sings the songs that remind him of the good timesHe sings the songs that remind him of the better times.” And if you worked the bar at the North Vancouver Keg for a time, this song played non-stop and always meant shots.
Thanks for reading. And drinking. See you next week.
Jackson.
The Drink Cart Friday Shot is your late Friday pick-me-up for pop culture brains and ad junkies. A fast pour of ad insights and hot takes, served like a quick round at your favourite dive bar after a week of client feedback.