Drink Cart Friday Shot: Get 'Er Dumb.
A Friday newsletter less bloated than Doug Ford's waistline and his cabinet appointments.
Dear shot loving agency workers and everyone who is tired of Doug Ford holding bourbon hostage.
I was going to call this week’s shot the “Notwithstanding Clause” when Doug Ford threatened to pull Crown Royal and every other Diageo brand off Ontario shelves.
He was big mad about what the brand did and in his peak Ford folksy-energy Vampire-dom he threatened to punish Ontario drinkers and the Canadian brand just to keep his own tenuous grasp on reality locked in. Well, joke’s on him because we’re turning his petty tantrum into a petty shot recipe. Like Tom Petty, it’s so petty. So like Jack Black in High Fidelity, we came up with many names.
Then I thought, no, this is just a“Whiskey Business” (too easy). Then for a brief moment this was going to be “The Folks Folks Folks.” Before I switched it to “The Bourbon Bully,” then the “Crown Royal Pain” and then even “The Reign of Error.” We almost sold ourselves ons “His Royal Dry-ness.” The “Doug Ford Memorial Portly Premier Shot” was also a solid choice for a few minutes of concepting.
This is technically called a riff on the Red Snapper, but we’re rebranding it as the “Get ‘Er Dumb” in honour of his completely ham-fisted threat to ban the province’s most popular whisky. And I don’t even like Crown Royal.
Nothing says “strong leadership” quite like weaponizing our liquor cabinets when the economy has all the buzz of a closed up EV battery plant we invested in.
This three-ingredient number combines Crown Royal with amaretto and cranberry juice for a sweet-tart combo that goes down dangerously smooth. The perfect agency shot to swill away the AI from drowning us all before the shelves are laid bare.
The amaretto adds an almond sweetness that makes you forget you’re drinking whisky at all, but ensures you remember what a nut Ford is, while the cranberry keeps things tart enough to remind you this isn’t juice at all. It’s the kind of drink that makes better decisions than Ontario’s current premier—which, admittedly, is a low bar. Not that there is any other option.
The Get ‘Er Dumb Shot
1 1/4 oz Crown Royal (purchased legally at the LCBO, before it’s too late admist Uncle Doug’s threats)
1/4 oz Amaretto
1/2 oz Cranberry juice
Knock back another one before we are taken to the rye gulags.
1. Ad History: Canada Dry (1980)
In happier news, I love that actor Louis Jourdan, who I most remember as the bad guy from Octopussy, absolutely crushes the other sparkling waters in this 1980 gem.
How did Canada Dry not win the sparkling water wars of the 1980s?
2. Ad History: Coors Banquet (1979)
I feel like a good rule of thumb in the late 70’s beer ad universe was you’re gonna wanna have that soaring paraglider off the top, and don’t forget that inspirational jingle that works perfectly well for selling both light beer and life insurance.
Coors nailed this formula in 1979 with their Banquet Beer spot—all sweeping Rocky Mountain vistas and crystalline mountain water like they are brewing liquid Manifest Destiny. The whole pitch was purity through geography: “it’s no downstream beer,” “it’s no city beer,” just pure Colorado authenticity bottled up for mass consumption.
And it worked because back then, you could still sell beer by making it feel like a spiritual experience instead of just something cold to drink. The paraglider wasn’t just a visual. It was a metaphor for freedom, baby. For untouched wilderness, for everything corporate beer wasn’t supposed to be but desperately wanted you to believe it was.
These ads didn’t just sell beer. They sold an entire mythology about where it came from, as if the can itself had summited a peak before reaching your hand. If this doesn’t make you want to climb a mountain or paraglide to freedom and drink a six pack, you’re dead inside.
3. Taco Bell Demolition Man (1993)
That this future of all restaurants being Taco Bell after whatever the Franchise Wars was, is now just 7 years away is very exciting.
Back in ‘93, Taco Bell let itself become the absurd punchline of a joke about corporate dystopia and monopolistic hellscapes. They weaponized satire as product placement.
Modern studios would never let the brand be the butt of the joke like that, even if it meant better marketing. Everything’s too polished, too risk-averse, too worried about “brand safety” to take a swing that actually lands. It’s kind of a bummer.
4. Dominos updates look for first time in 13 years
Domino’s unveiled a major brand refresh focused on making you hungry just by looking at it. The new identity leans into mouth-watering food photography, richer colors, and sensory-driven messaging designed to trigger cravings.
Translation: they’re betting that showing you exactly what you want beats telling you why you should want it. Especially if Shaboozy says it.
5. Lebron has lost his damn mind
This does not make any sense. He wanted “the best opportunity to win more at hosting.” What is Lebron even talking about?
LeBron’s slapping his name on a $60 bottle of Hennessy VSOP like it’s some kind of cultural moment. Because nothing says “connecting with your roots” quite like a limited-edition cognac drop that’ll mostly end up gathering dust on suburban bar carts.
One more shot
Seems fitting to end this one with Rita Coolidge’s theme from Octopussy, All Time High. This friends is called a call back. And I love them.
Thanks for reading. I’ll be back with another shot next week. Don’t panic, but go buy some Crown Royal just to spite Doug Ford.
Jackson.
The Drink Cart Friday Shot is your late Friday pick-me-up for pop culture brains and ad junkies. A fast pour of ad insights and hot takes, served like a quick round at your favourite dive bar after a week of client feedback.