Big Condiment Energy.

A Friday newsletter that asks the hard questions about condiment innovation.

Dear agency readers, tiki bar refugees, Kyle Tucker apologists and everybody who refuses to let winter win.

Well folks, we made it – two weeks into the new year and only 50 more to go. January’s cold grip and dump of snow has us all dreaming of warmer days, so why not bring a little sunshine to your glass especially since two things happened last night that really call for a shot.

The first is that the Toronto Blue Jays didn’t sign Kyle Tucker. In fact the Los Angeles Dodgers dropped $60 million a year for four years on the outfielder (nearly a quarter of a billion dollars?). It’s absolutely absurd money. Even someone like me who loves to see Rogers blow its stupid cell phone and cable money can see how they were out at that rate.

And secondly we now have a new agreement with China to cut our tariffs on EV imports in exchange for lower duties on our farm products. This is going to make Doug Ford react worse than Mets fans did about the Tucker news. I should have included Crown Royal in this shot.

In good news, Big Condiment is finally fixing a problem I’ve never heard of in 2026.

The problem? 70% of people have spilled ketchup while dipping on the go? I’m sorry, is this the crisis we’re tackling in 2026?

They’re rolling out a new box design out across 11 countries. Eleven. A global coalition assembled not for peace or trade, or even to save Greenland, but to end the ketchup spill epidemic. Somewhere, a UN delegate is weeping.

Heinz calls this ‘the future of dipping.’ The FUTURE. Like we’re in a sci-fi movie and this is the breakthrough that saves humanity. Picture Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar, tears streaming down his face, watching a video from his daughter: “Dad, we solved it. The fry box. You can come home now.”

Look, I’m not saying innovation is the enemy. But somewhere a product team got a standing ovation for redesigning something that’s worked perfectly fine since ads were black and white. This is like a PowerPoint achieving sentience. A budget was approved. Influencers have been deployed to Scotiabank Arena to document this historic moment in condiment delivery.

The future of dipping is here, folks. It is fine. And Kyle Tucker. And whatever Trump will say about our cute little deal with China. That’s why this week we’re featuring the Dirty Shirley Shot, a bright and fruity pick-me-up that’s equal parts sweet and refreshing and needed no innovation at all. It’s the perfect antidote to those grey winter afternoons and free agency fails when you need a reminder that good times are just a sip away.

The Dirtiest of Shirleys

• ½ oz cherry liqueur

• ½ oz vodka

• ½ oz orange juice

• Splash of Sprite

• Shake the cherry liqueur, vodka and OJ with ice, strain into a shot glass and top with a splash of Sprite. Immediate liquid vacation.

1. Ad History: Starburst (1982)

I couldn’t stop playing this after Retroist posted, “Still thinking about the Starburst commercial where the slide turned into fruits.” It’s art.

2. Ad History: Adidas. (1993)

Remember when David Lynch went completely crazy for a 1993 Adidas ad? Iconic.

3. The Worst Coffee Related Ad Ever?

How is Coffee Mate still going in 2026?

4. This 1983 Jingle For Sears is Incredible

You’re welcome.

5. Missed the 42nd Anniversary of this

42 years. Feels like so long ago doesn’t it?

See you next Friday.

Jackson.

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The Drink Cart Friday Shot is your late Friday pick-me-up for pop culture brains and ad junkies. A fast pour of ad insights and hot takes, served like a quick round at your favourite dive bar after a week of client feedback.